


Operation Romeo Echo X-Ray

by midnightandahalf



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightandahalf/pseuds/midnightandahalf
Summary: A runaway rodent throws a tiny bit of chaos into an otherwise run-of-the-mill day at Rangeman. Rated T for language.
Kudos: 3





	Operation Romeo Echo X-Ray

I was fourteen hours into my double shift and so far the day was shaping up to be just as uneventful as the night. I generally prefer a little more excitement, but I know I'm in the minority on that for the next couple of weeks. At Rangeman, the mice know better than to play while the cat is away. On the contrary - when the cat is away, you make damn sure that not a single whisker is out of line. You're on your best goddamn behavior and you're keeping your fingers and toes crossed that nothing goes wrong on your watch. No one wants to have to break bad news to Ranger while he's on vacation.

The elevator doors dinged open and Ella catapulted out onto the control room floor. "Help! I need help! I have a Code Eleven!"

I straightened so abruptly that I sloshed coffee over the front of my shirt. "Ow, shit." I pulled the hot, wet fabric away from my chest while my other hand got busy with the keyboard, sending out an alert. I kept my eyes on Ella. "Report."

"It's Rex!" she cried. "I lost him."

The computer was pinging away with responses to the Code Eleven I'd just issued. It took me a minute to place the name, and once I had, I was struggling to comprehend the relevance at a time like this. "Lost him as in… _lost_? Like he passed on?"

"No, lost him as in he is _lost_! Running loose!" She opened her arms wide to encompass the entire floor.

I blinked. "Wait. So the Code Eleven - are you saying that's Rex?"

"Yes!"

"Rex the hamster?" I verified.

"Yes!"

I exhaled heavily and keyed in a retraction of the Code Eleven since there was not, in fact, an armed gunman loose within the building. Just, apparently, an insubordinate hamster. I took another slow breath and set the keyboard aside, giving Ella my undivided attention. "Let's start over. What happened?"

Before she could respond, one of the office doors across the floor slammed open and Tank appeared in the doorway. "Santos! What the hell are you doing?"

"Relax, it was just a drill." I waved my hand casually, knowing that he's not buying what I'm selling. Still, I threw in a wink for good measure. "Someone's got to keep you on your toes."

He stalked toward us and his glare said plainly that he wasn't amused. "Try again."

"Actually, Ella was just going to explain." I gripped her by her shoulders and scooted her to stand in front of me. She was the worst human shield in history; her body covered maybe a third of mine. "Go ahead, Ella."

"Rex escaped, and he's missing!" she cried.

"Rex is Steph's hamster," I explained for Tank's benefit.

His eyes cut to me, still narrowed. "I know that."

"She trusted me to watch him, and he escaped!" Ella lamented. "I watch him every time she and Ranger go on vacation. He's such a sweetheart. Nothing like this has ever happened before."

"What did happen?" Tank prompted.

"He was in his exercise ball while I was cleaning the gym. It's part of our routine," she explained. "He loves exploring in there. I think he likes all the obstacles, and the elevation changes with the mats."

Tank nodded. "The mental stimulation is just as important as the physical."

"Yes, exactly," Ella agreed.

As if he sensed my curious look, Tank's eyes shot to me. He didn't have to say anything out loud, but the message was received - he was not open to further inquiry. He shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest, returning his focus to Ella. "So you're cleaning the gym, and…"

"He was having a ball -" Ella winced a little, "- no pun intended - but, when I was done cleaning the cardio machines, I looked over and he was gone. He escaped. I looked everywhere for him, but I couldn't find him, and then I figured I'd better call in additional support."

"So the little guy's MIA. Try not to worry. I'm sure we can find him," I assured her.

"I feel just awful," she said, and it was clear that she meant it. "I'm worried sick about him."

Though I'd never admit it, I was a little apprehensive myself about what would happen if we didn't find him. I wasn't particularly attached to Rex, but Beautiful was. And anything that's important to Steph is equally, if not more, important to Ranger.

I looked to Tank and clapped my hands together. "Right. So, I assume I have approval to throw together a Search and Rescue crew?"

"What makes you think you're in charge of the op?" he asked.

"I was first on scene," I replied. That's how it works. It's common knowledge.

I could tell that Tank wanted to sigh, or maybe roll his eyes. Instead, he settled for a dismissive wave of his hand. "Go ahead."

"Vince!" I bellowed across the control room, and I had the satisfaction of seeing Tank cringe a little at my volume. "Manny! Woody! You're with me!"

The summoned men assembled and I explained the situation. "Very important Search & Rescue. Rex is on the loose. He isn't thought to be armed or dangerous, but he can be elusive. He was last sighted in the gym."

"Rex?" Manny questioned.

"Stephanie's hamster," Tank clarified, still hovering at the edge of our huddle.

I gave a nod of confirmation. "That's right."

Manny's head was cocked to the side, appraising me. "You're fucking with us."

"Only with the 'armed and dangerous' part. The rest of it is real."

"It's my fault," Ella said. She was still standing at my side. "He escaped from his exercise ball while I was busy cleaning."

"It's not your fault," I corrected. "And no one panic. He's just having a bit of a field trip. He's out exploring. It's probably one of the best days of his life."

"God's wild creatures should be allowed to roam free," Woody agreed.

"So what do you need us for?" Vince demanded. "Can't we just wait for him to get tired of gallivanting around and see if he comes back?"

I rocked back on my heels and pretended to consider that plan. "Okay. So what happens if he doesn't come back?"

The three men looked at each other, all devoid of answers. Tank shook his head and his eyes rolled up to the ceiling, probably looking for patience.

"This is Stephanie's pet. She freaking loves him. Who wants to tell her that he's not going to be here when she comes home?" I asked.

Clearly the question was rhetorical, but I could see realization dawning on their faces.

"And what about Ranger?" I pushed. "Are you volunteering to be the one to tell him that you lost his step-hamster?"

"I would be the one to tell him," Ella insisted. "I lost him. It's my responsibility."

I looped my arm back around her shoulder and pulled her in so I could whisper in her ear. "Sshh. Just making a point."

"Yeah, alright, consider it made," Vince agreed. "Let's go out and find the little guy."

"How exactly are we planning on doing that?" Manny asked.

Huh. Good question. I hadn't gotten that far. I looked back to Tank, who was wearing a smug little smile.

"Don't look at me," he said. "This is your op, remember?"

Okay. The way I saw it, we had two options. We could either track him down, or get him to come to us. Never one to sit on my hands and wait for things to happen, I decided that we'd come at it from both angles simultaneously.

"Woody, go wrangle up as many infrared scanners as you can find," I directed. "Pass them out, then you're on scouting duty. Start on the ground floor, since I don't want to risk him getting out the door during any comings or goings. Work your way back up from there."

"By myself?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "If you're going to pout about it, then grab Cal. He's useless at searches anyway."

Cal popped his head out of his cubicle where we had him temporarily subbing on computer traces. "I heard that."

"You were meant to," I confirmed. Then I turned to Manny and Vince. "We're about to build the hamster-equivalent of Las Vegas, South Beach, and Disney World, rolled into one."

"I have no idea what that means," Vince said.

I grinned. "Just think - in half an hour, you won't be able to say that anymore."

As with any mission, we started by making sure we were properly outfitted for the job. We reconvened in the gym and stood back to study the pile of materials we'd accumulated.

"Now what?" Vince asked, his tone skeptical. "How is this going to help us find Rex?"

"Oh, ye of little faith." I picked up a toilet paper roll and threw it in the vicinity of his head. He backed up a step and caught it with ease. "I'm rewarding your lack of confidence by giving you the job of unwinding the toilet paper."

I pointedly ignored Vince's muttered 'yippee' and instead turned to Manny. "We're going to make a hamster haven, and lure him in."

Manny looked confused and shot a look to Vince, who shrugged. I couldn't help but notice that he hadn't yet gotten to work on his toilet paper. I sighed and dug my phone out of my pocket, sensing that I was going to have to spoon feed them this idea. I pulled up a quick Google image search for 'hamster playground' as inspiration for the troops and turned it to Manny.

He turned contemplative and reached out to take the phone, scrolling through the pictures. "Okay, so I see what you're going for."

Vince was looking over Manny's shoulder, and I grinned at them while I laid down the challenge. "Let's put them to shame, boys. We're going to build the best goddamn hamster haven in the history of the land."

Vince reluctantly took up his duty of unrolling the toilet paper. I assigned Manny to start mapping out a tunnel system, and then I turned to Tank. "What are you even still doing here? You didn't seem keen on this operation."

"I figured someone needed to keep an eye on you," he replied.

Deep down - maybe way deep - I knew that Tank just wanted to have a hand in building the hamster haven. Who wouldn't? Since I have a generous spirit, I magnanimously agreed to let him stick around. "I'm sure Vince could use some help with the toilet paper," I told him.

"Not happening."

"Fine. You can start carving out some structures from the cardboard." He looked hesitant until I handed him a utility knife, which appeased him. That settled, I slapped him on the back and left him to it.

Manny and I studied a few YouTube videos while we sketched out our plans. There would be a maze, of course, and a recreational area with several sets of stairs leading up to a second level along with slides leading back down. Tank's carving could barely keep up with our plans, so once Vince had undressed the cardboard rolls and accumulated a significant pile of discarded toilet paper, he picked up a knife and was promoted to our second carpenter. Manny used duct tape and glue to piece together the buildings, and I placed them around the gym per our blueprints. For the next forty-five minutes, it all went swimmingly.

And speaking of swimming… "He needs a swimming pool over there in the South Beach area. Go fill this up with water."

"Do hamsters swim?" Manny asked, looking down at the plastic tupperware container I'd shoved at him.

That one stumped me, but if there was one thing I knew, it was that any hamster haven worth its salt would have a swimming pool. "Of course they do."

Manny obediently returned with the Tupperware half-filled and we situated the pool next to the jungle gym. I spread some of Rex's bedding around to make it beachy. Then I was struck with a flash of brilliance. "Chalk!"

Tank had, unfortunately, been in the middle of carving out a section of cardboard. He cursed and popped his bleeding finger in his mouth.

Manny's reaction was more tempered. He turned to me with trepidation. "Did you just scream 'chalk'?"

"Yes I goddamned did! Because I'm a freaking genius!" I was already on my feet and headed for the corner of the gym. I'd never been a fan, but some guys swore by chalking their hands before lifting.

"One man's genius is another man's crazy," Vince said.

"We're going to lay the chalk down around the edges of the compound. Then, when Rex steps in it, we can track his movements," I explained.

"Okay," Vince admitted. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"Of course it's not. I don't have bad ideas."

Tank snorted.

Manny and Vince each grabbed a couple handfuls and helped me strategically scatter the chalk around the perimeter. At this rate, we were going to find and secure Rex in no time. What kind of hamster could resist the temptation of such a bountiful playground? If only there were a way for us to lure him in, and speed up the -

"Cheese!" I cried. Tank cursed again from behind me, and I regretted not seeing his reaction. "We need cheese!"

"That's for mice. Rex is a _hamster_." Manny's tone let me know exactly what he thought of my intelligence, and it wasn't much.

"Whatever. Does he or does he not like cheese?" I demanded.

"How would I know? Do I look like some kind of expert?"

"Vince!" I bellowed. I waited for his startled gaze to meet mine from across the room. "You'll know this. Do hamsters eat cheese?"

"Why the hell should I know that?" he returned.

"You have a degree in biology." Duh.

He shook his head. "No. _Geo_ logy."

I shrugged. "Close enough."

He was looking at me like I had corn growing out of my ears. "Not in this case."

"This isn't just any hamster," Manny said. "This is Stephanie's hamster. Forget cheese - we need Butterscotch Krimpets."

I smacked my hand to my forehead. "You're right. We need to bring out the big guns."

A honey hunt proceeded. As it turned out, we didn't have any Butterscotch Krimpets. After a resupply mission that included stops in the employee break room plus mine and Vince's apartments, we met back up to compare our rations. The team who'd swept the break room came up with a turkey and swiss sandwich on whole wheat, with carrot sticks and an apple. Vince had managed to scrounge up some Chinese leftovers, which was a bonus since we could use the wonton container as another booby trap. My contribution was a handful of peanut M&Ms.

Tank was hands on hips, staring down at the small pile. "This is it?"

I bristled at his less-than-impressed tone. "If you want to go look for yourself, be my guest, but this is what we could find."

He lifted his indignant gaze to me. "I've been busy finishing the maze. All we need to do now is bait it, which was your job."

I gestured at the pile with a flourish. "Accomplished. Here's your bait. Let's get to layin'."

"No, I think Tank's right," Vince cut in. "I'm not sure if any of this is going to cut it. Think about it - this hamster has been living with Steph for how long now? You think he's going to be the least bit interested in turkey on whole wheat?"

"And come on, Santos." Manuel pointed at my contribution. "M&Ms? How's Rex going to be able to smell that through the hard candy shell? How's that going to draw him in?"

I tossed my arms up in exasperation. "I'm hearing an awful lot of problems. Where are the fucking solutions?"

Ella stood from where she'd been fluffing Rex's wood chip bedding and wiped her palms on her thighs. "I'll go check 7 to see if there were any treats left behind. Maybe there will be something that would tempt him."

"Thank you," I told her. Then I glared pointedly at the other men. "At least someone around here knows how to get shit done."

Tank flipped me off and Manny and Vince just rolled their eyes. We'd managed to add another recreation section by the time Ella returned a few minutes later.

She came back armed with something sweet, alright. She dumped the contents of her arms onto the table and we all stared.

I broke our moments of silence with a chuckle. "Oh shit."

"Nice," Vince mumbled.

Tank dragged a hand down his face.

Poor Ella was beet red. "All the perishables were cleared out before their trip. This was all I could find."

Whipped cream and chocolate sauce. There was only one clear reason that a man who didn't eat dessert would have whipped cream and chocolate sauce on hand. Good for him. The lucky bastard. Everyone knows Steph likes sweets, but I had no idea she was such a wanton little -

That train of thought was quickly derailed by Tank's grubby paw knocking me upside the head. "Knock it off," he growled.

"Ow!" I complained. "What was that for?"

"Didn't like the direction your thoughts were headed," he said.

"You don't know where -" But Tank shut me down with a pointed raise of his brow. I sighed and held up my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Fair enough."

"Do you think this will work?" Ella asked, wringing her hands.

"Couldn't hurt." I gave directions to the troops with an overzealous pointer finger. "Manny! Create a moat of chocolate sauce around the jungle gym. Vince! Add a few islands of whipped cream. _No one_ disturb the chalk! Keep the surrounding area pure so we don't jeopardize the integrity of the tracking."

While the team went about their assigned tasks, I pulled out my cell phone to get a report from the search crew. Cal answered on the third ring.

"Report," I told him.

"We cleared floors one through four, and we're on six now," he said. I had to press my phone closer to my ear to try to hear him. "We'll be done here and we'll loop back to you within the next few minutes."

"Why are you whispering?" I whispered.

"Hell if I know," Cal said, still in an oddly soothing, soft tone. "Here, Woody will explain."

They shuffled the phone around and then Woody came on the line, also whispering. "When you're dealing with wildlife, the key is to make them feel safe. Secure. We don't want to startle the varmint and force him deeper into hiding."

I rolled my eyes. "You do realize that Rex is a pretty domesticated little dude, right? He's a pet, not a wild doe that you're hunting."

"You do realize that you're still whispering, right?" Woody snapped back.

My only response was to end the call. Tank was looking at me expectantly and I gave him the update. "Search crew is wrapping up and will rendezvous with us shortly."

"No sightings?" he asked.

"None reported."

"I'm starting to worry that he may have gotten into the HVAC ducts," Tank said.

A hard weight settled in my stomach. "That would suck."

He nodded sagely. "Happened to Buttercup once."

"But she was okay." I'd met Buttercup, so I assumed this was true. Most cats were dickheads, but Buttercup was alright.

"She was fine, but I carved seven holes into the drywall of my house, trying to get her out."

I blew out a breath. "If he's in the HVAC system, the infrared scanners won't pick him up since the heat is on."

I made a snap decision and dialed Luis to ask him to turn off the heat for the building. We'd need to wait for the ducts to cool off a bit, and then we could send someone through with a scanner.

"Where's Hector?" I asked, glancing at my watch. We had been underway for the better part of two hours already.

"You can't send Hector crawling through the ducts," Tank said.

"Ah-ah-ah. First of all, this is my op. You're only observing, remember?" I held up a second finger and forged on before Tank's gripe could leave his lips. "Second of all, you don't know that that's what I was thinking."

He raised a brow. "I know you."

Okay, okay. So that may have been my original thought. But a better plan had formed. "I was going to suggest that he use that fancy camera scope of his."

Tank's mouth snapped closed, and I grinned. He had nothing to say to that, because there was no arguing that it was a pretty damn good idea.

"Be a dear and give him a call, would you?" Without waiting for an answer, I left Tank standing there while I stepped carefully through the intricate maze to the other side of the gym where Vince and Manny were surveying their handiwork. I stood back with them and took in the full effect. It was a fucking masterpiece.

"Nice work," I acknowledged. I clapped Vince on the shoulder. "Now let's get out of here and wait for Rex to discover this veritable heaven on earth."

In addition to the regular security feed, I'd placed additional cameras at ground level all over the gym. We could monitor the video from the control room, so we retreated and tried to settle back into some semblance of a normal workflow. Tank went back to his office. Cal went back to his pathetic attempts at keeping up with the search requests. I went back to monitoring accounts. There were a few mini client emergencies that had stacked up and needed my attention, but every sixty seconds or so, my gaze shifted to the gym feed.

After the first hour with no sign of Rex, I convinced myself it was still early. After the second hour, I started to get a little worried. By hour three, the building had cooled enough that Hector was able to snake a modified infrared camera through the ducts. He still came up empty, and I was sweating a little despite the chill in the air. Forget the client accounts - we would all have much bigger problems if we weren't able to find our runaway rodent.

By 1600, everyone in the control room had donned jackets, and some even wore hats and gloves. Still, no one asked for the heat to be turned back on. By 1700, Vince and Manny were both a couple hours past quitting time but had managed to find reasons to stick around. Those reasons were apparently running out, because Manny was kicked back in a chair beside me, feet propped in front of him and hands folded over his stomach while he studied the ceiling. Vince was doing pull-ups in the open doorway of Tank's office, much to Tank's chagrin. Come to think of it, Tank should've clocked out of here awhile ago, too.

Woody and Cal returned from patrol and looked over expectantly as soon as they stepped off the elevator.

"Anything?" Cal asked eagerly.

"Negative," I reported.

Tank emerged from his office with a friendly shove to Vince's shoulder, separating him from the doorway. "What's the plan?"

I scrubbed my hand over my face and barely suppressed a groan. That was the question I'd been mulling over for the past three hours. There was no good answer, but there was one thing I kept coming back to and I hadn't yet figured out how to talk myself out of it. "I think one of us needs to call Steph."

Manny's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Shouldn't we give it a bit more time before we break the news?"

"What if she has some tips or some type of information that could help us find him?" I argued.

Woody shrugged, not seeming all that invested either way thanks to his 'wild animals should roam free' philosophy. Cal was quick to agree, and Tank gave a succinct nod. Vince appeared unconvinced. "Yeah, maybe. But who's going to be the one to make that call?"

"Valid point," Manny concurred, looking to me.

"We'll draw straws?" I proposed half-heartedly.

Tank gave me The Look. "You're the in-charge, Santos."

I hung my head to my chest and gave in to the groan that wanted to escape. Not only was the news going to stress out Beautiful - and possibly lead to a broken heart if we couldn't find Rex - but there was no way in hell Ranger wasn't finding out. This whole situation was no one's fault, but regardless, Ranger wasn't going to be happy. It was sometimes painful to be a cause of Ranger's unhappiness. I was so not looking forward to meeting him on the mats when they got back to town.

My phone rang, and I jumped on it. Any excuse to delay the inevitable, even a few more minutes. "Report."

"I've got him!" Ella exclaimed.

I collapsed back in my chair in relief. "You found him? You have Rex?"

Five pairs of eyes locked on me and the men waited with bated breath.

"I have him," she repeated. "He's right here. Safe and sound."

"He's okay," I reported for the room.

There was a palpable release in the air, and I turned my attention to the gym feed. There he was on one of the cameras, happily munching on a peanut M&M. In another square of the feed, Ella looked up at the camera mounted in the corner of the ceiling and waved.

"Where did you find him?" I asked.

"I was doing another sweep of the gym, and I picked up his heat signature. He was inside one of the little huts you'd made."

I wasn't sure how he'd evaded the cameras on his way in, but I didn't care. All that mattered was that he was safe. Well, that and… "He loves the hamster haven, right?"

"He seems very happy with it," she said earnestly.

"I'll be right there," I told her.

"He's secured?" Manny verified when I was off the phone.

"Seems like it." I heaved a sigh of relief, thankful to not have to make that dreaded call.

"Why does shit just never stick to you?" Tank asked with mock disappointment. His stoicism was intact, but I could tell he was relieved.

I dusted my shoulders, unable to wipe the grin from my face. "Teflon, baby."

Vince snorted at that, and Manny joined him in a chuckle. Cal wore a shit-eating grin. "What are we waiting for? I want to go play with the hamster haven."

I would give him shit for it if I weren't eager to do the exact same thing. So instead, I led the way to the gym. All four teammates of Operation Romeo Echo X-ray, plus our honorary member, were hot on my heels to welcome home our returned comrade.


End file.
